Good-bye 20's

I can remember being nervous walking up the steps to Noelle's house to go to "some girls" birthday party. I was 19 years old, had no idea where I was going with my life but was ready to figure it out. I had no idea what the next 10 years would bring for me and the heartbreaks and miracles I would face.

I can remember walking into the Philly's at 20, the smell, the drinks, the too many late night after the bar had closed. I can remember crying in the bathroom for the millionth time. I can remember the forever friends and the ones I would never see again, I can remember the nights that were too fuzzy to remember.

I can remember meeting Danny. I had not gotten "fancy" that night, I just didn't care - maybe that is why I finally meet someone! I can remember sitting on a strangers door step and Danny telling me he was moving in with another girl, I can remember getting back together and never breaking up.

I can remember Corinn telling me she was pregnant with Sophia. I can remember the day she went into labor. I can remember the waiting room, the smell, her Grandma beside me.

I can remember the horrible nights as my boyfriend let alcohol and drugs almost ruin us. I can remember the day he gave that all up. I can remember the good days.

I can remember getting the ring I knew was coming, the ring we talked about. The ring was better than I ever dreamed. I can remember the walk to the park, the flowers around us and that it had started to sprinkle. I can remember that I was now longer a girlfriend, I was now going to be a bride.

I can remember moving into our home, making our final move from apartment to an actual home. I can remember that it seemed so big and that I didn't sleep that first night because it is so quiet in the burbs!

I can remember my wedding day, that it is true that you can not remember it all, that you barley eat and you NEVER want it to end. I can remember being in that beautiful heavy dress, with my long (fake) gorgeous hair and that my make-up never moved. I can remember it all, and none of it.

I can remember a promotion and graduating from college. I can remember hitting an all time high of pay and realizing it wasn't very much for a Teacher.

I can remember the rough road of infertility that brought me to the day I found out I was pregnant, only to lose it a week later. I can remember it happening again. I can remember that when I got a positive test last April, I was so excited and yet so worried. I can remember seeing her heartbeat for the first time and as my husband sat next to me with excitement ~ I could not breathe. There she was.

I can remember giving birth to Reese. I can remember that I didn't cry or yell or scream, that she was pushed into the world with love and might . . . that I held her skinny body and could not believe I finally gave birth to a child.

I can remember when my milk came in and that I cried because it hurt more than giving birth. I can remember the long nights that seem like a long time ago.

I can remember the last 4 1/2 months. I can remember the joy of quiting my job, to have a new one. A new career and a new outlook on life.

My 20's were full of adventure and excitement. Joy and regrets. Day and nights, that often blended into one. I found myself somewhere along the last 10 years, I found a person I knew was there but I had yet to meet. I found out that I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.